Keeping your mouth shut is one of the keys to making your dreams come true #008

I have always been a very dreamy person. As a child, I imagined myself saving plants and animals, becoming the CEO of a big company, an explorer of the world, learning various languages, and traveling to many countries. I've always been interested in travel. When I watched anime, I wanted to go to Japan; when I started watching K-dramas, I wanted to go to Korea, study in Europe, and so on. I always had many ambitions.

But I've always been very outspoken and would tell others what I wanted or what I had. At home, there was always scarcity. I was raised by a single mother, without help from my father or other relatives, so my reference was always my mother. When I told her what I wanted to be or what I wanted to have, she always said (and still says today) that I need to have my "feet on the ground." She is the "seeing to believing" type, with no room for "believing to seeing."

So this stayed in my subconscious. There was always sabotage from both me and her. If I earned five reais, a hundred reais, she would always find a way to spend it. The money would turn into shoes or a visit to the dentist to fix a cavity. Yes, these are important things—having shoes and taking care of health. I've always had a saving impulse, but I would always end up discouraged because I always needed the saved money for something. I never had the teaching to think long-term, but something inside me always thought it was very important. I learned this by myself; I didn't have financial education or purpose references around me.

After finishing high school, I wanted to apply for a scholarship to Korea. Foolishly, I told everyone - a terrible decision, obviously. Some people had expectations, but unfortunately, I had no support to make the application. When I saw the costs to translate documents and other bureaucracies, my dream fell apart. I felt like a failure at that moment in my life.

I entered college - another humiliation. I couldn't study out of state because it would be too expensive to support myself. I missed some classes because I didn't have money for the bus fare to move to another city. In college, more dreams were lost: I couldn't do an exchange through the Science Without Borders program because Economics (my major) is a humanities course, and only STEM courses could participate. And after some time, the program ended. I went to a Federal University at a time when "perks" ended due to budget cuts, so I had no trips for lectures or conferences. I was rejected by PET (Tutorial Education Program, a group where you start developing research). I joined AIESEC hoping to have contact with foreigners and different cultures, but I saw that to socialize in that environment, I needed money I didn't have. I was already living on the edge to survive and couldn't stay in that environment. I felt ashamed.

But not everything was bad. I managed to get an internship at a sanitation company. The salary was good, and I had high hopes of growing within the company. Shortly after starting, I was called for a selection at Banestes bank. I reached the final stage only to be rejected (😐), but later they called asking if I was still interested. I said I had already taken another opportunity. It was the sector I wanted to work, in banking. But since this bank was public, after the internship, I would be dismissed as one can only continue in that bank through public service exam. Later, I found out that the person from my class who got the position managed to get hired by an investment company that was not directly linked to the bank. The fear of scarcity (understandably, since I had no one to help me achieve a better quality of life) made me miss that opportunity.

Most of the time, I can say I was happy in the company where I started working. Only at the end of my time there, I had a difficult immediate boss, as I mentioned earlier. But I realized I wouldn't stand out. This company is an engineering firm operating in the sanitation sector, so obviously, those who stood out and had more opportunities were engineers. To grow into the company (which I realized is a pattern in large private companies in Brazil), it is necessary to pass the Trainee program, which highly values those who have done exchanges abroad (as companies believe that those who lived abroad for some time will manage well in English), which kind of excludes low-income people.

At that time, I was starting to save money for my dream exchange. Again, I was too open-mouthed and told everyone about my plans. I felt my life stalled. I ended up leaving the internship and being hired as a signed work card in the company as an administrative assistant. Ironically, my salary decreased. I earned less due to deductions for social security, taxes, etc. Shortly before the pandemic, I was fired a few days before my college graduation. This left me very shaken.

I started a new job that didn't work out. Soon after, the pandemic began. I went back to my mother's house, used the money I had to help with expenses, and ended up broke, unemployed for a year and a half. My dreams fell apart again.

My mother was already dropping hints about employment, which worsened my self-esteem, even though I was sending dozens of resumes daily, attending interviews that led nowhere, and humiliatingly contacting acquaintances for help without any return. With time on my hands, as everyone was home, I used the opportunity to study for public exams. I passed two exams - one for a teaching position and another for a school secretary. I took the school secretary position as I don't have much affinity for classroom teaching. I like teaching, but everyone knows the chaos of education in Brazil.

Lessons from maturity:

During this time working in education, I studied for the master's exam, studied for the English proficiency test, took online classes—all in silence. Over time, I learned to make my life increasingly private: what I have, what I earn, what I am doing.

I learned that you should keep your plans to yourself because if you want to change your path, it won't cause frustration for others, and it also shields you from the energy of envy. The world is not composed only of good people; many will try to bring you down, sometimes people you wouldn't imagine. No one will bring you down if they don't know your path.

I took the exams quietly. I learned that our dreams are not other people's dreams and ambitions. I try to encourage people to seek better jobs, college, or a course, but many just like to complain and don't move to make a difference. So I learned to put less effort into others and focus on myself.

Finally, I will realize this dream of living abroad. It wasn't at 17, but at 27. It could be at 50. Sometimes we are eager for everything to happen quickly, but it can take time. Everyone has a trajectory, a starting point in life. It's very toxic for the mind to compare your life to others. Don't limit what you want because of age. Following the path of your dreams with focus greatly increases the chance of realization. Just take one step at a time. Believe you deserve what you desire. Make the law of attraction work in your life. If you want to go to France, for example, but are financially broke, it's okay. Start doing something towards it. Take the first step, start studying French in silence, research scholarships, job opportunities, make a plan, don't tell anyone, and follow it. One day, the opportunity will knock on your door, and you will be prepared.